Make your bed.

Make your bed.

"Make your bed." A mantra that parents have been drilling into the heads of children since sheets were invented by the Egyptians in 1437 BCE. "Why?" The response given by children since sheets were invented by the Egyptians in 1437 BCE. "Because I said so." The answer given by parents when they don't have a good reason for the child to do what they are being asked.

Why is making the bed such an awful task? Take this conversation that happens every Sunday night in the Clizzo household around 9:30pm.

Wes: (half asleep) Rizzo, this episode of Friends is over. We should probably go to bed.

Rizzo: (asleep)

Wes: Rizzo, wake up so we can go to sleep.

Rizzo: (starting to groan out of her sleep) I did laundry today. We have to make the bed.

Wes:

Rizzo: (snuggling under her blanket) This couch is SOOOOO comfy. We should just sleep here.

Wes: (falls asleep for about three minutes)

Rizzo: (falls back asleep when Wes doesn't respond)

Wes: (wakes up thinking he has been awake the whole time) We're adults. We shouldn't sleep on the couch. Let's go make the stupid bed and go to sleep.

The worst sight to befall man: a made bed with a duvet cover that has not yet been filled by the comforter. Why don't you just kick me in the kidneys, duvet cover?

The worst sight to befall man: a made bed with a duvet cover that has not yet been filled by the comforter. Why don't you just kick me in the kidneys, duvet cover?

I know that I'm blessed to have a bed. Not only that, I have a guest bed. I have another guest bed. I have a couch that I can turn into a bed. I have an inflatable queen size bed. I have an inflatable twin bed. I can literally sleep anywhere in my house seeing as I'm, you know, technically a grown-up. Still the torture of having to trudge up to the bedroom and put clean sheet on the bed makes me what to punch a baby (not my baby. An ugly, hypothetical baby).

Our house is a once-a-week-bed-making household. We make the bed when the sheets are put in the laundry and that's about it. There really is no reason to make the bed everyday. Jim Gaffigan really expressed it best when he said (I'm paraphrasing from memory): Why would I make the bed everyday? I plan on getting back in the bed in a few hours. It's not like I tie my shoes at night after I take them off.

Making the bed is a torture that parents force upon their kids as punishment for bothering them in the middle of their morning coffee. I hate making the bed.

Ellie: If it wasn't for her spreading her hair all over everything I'd never have to wash the sheets or make the bed (I know, gross). Thanks, Ellie.

Ellie: If it wasn't for her spreading her hair all over everything I'd never have to wash the sheets or make the bed (I know, gross). Thanks, Ellie.

P.S. I fully intend to use the "because I said so" answer. Kids are basically dumb and don't realize that parents use the "because I said so" line because there is really no good reason for the kid to be doing what the parent is telling them to do. I didn't understand this until I became a parent myself. Well played, Mom and Dad.

P.P.S. I don't remember a single time that my parents forced me to make my bed. My hatred of bed making was brought on as an adult. Again, well played, Mom and Dad.


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