Sexy as hell, right? I knew you would all dive right in when you saw the title of this post. Soak it all up, ladies and gentlemen.

We all know that when you start a weight loss/fitness journey that you have to have the before pictures. Well, I missed that boat 9 months ago when I actually started moving instead of laying around like a sack of already consumed fast food haplessly discarded in the back seat of a messy vehicle. Instead of the before pictures, you wonderful people get to enjoy the "I've lost some weight but it's hard to tell because I was so big to start with" pictures.

This is a proud moment because I don't think I would have ever revealed such skin in prior iterations of myself. I almost didn't post pictures of my belly this time but I couldn't keep this kind of sexiness to myself. I mean who doesn't love giant red basketball shorts?

Immediately after taking these pornographic images, I hiked up to Herndon High School (almost 5 consecutive minutes of walking) for a run. I've been running for a few months now so that isn't really news. Usually I go for a jog on some wooded trails behind our house (remind me to write up the story about how I got hit by a deer while jogging). However, today I decided to run a mile on the track and get my time. There is no reason for this other than I wanted to see what my time would be. So off I went.

I wasn't alone on the track. I like to run alone. Just ask Rizzo about some previous 5k races she has seen me run. I don't want someone cheering me on. I just want to get the shit done and then move on to something more productive, like eating cheese balls or listing to a podcast about the TV show Frasier. Instead of being alone on the track I happened across a full-blown pickup soccer game, a football practice, and several spectators sitting in the stands checking out the dudes playing futbol/football. I was going to have to do this with an audience. Great.

Off I went. The first lap flew by in a scorching 2:13 seconds. Yes, I know there are 8-year-olds who can cover twice the distance in the same amount of time. Well they don't have to battle unencumbered man boobs constantly hitting their chin and knees, so I give myself the benefit of the doubt. I pushed on through lap number two keeping the same pace and crossing the line at 4:26. I was surprised to see that I was keeping the same pace through two laps and actually on a pace to run a mile in under 10 minutes, something that I have never accomplished in my 35 years of existence on this planet.

Lap three was where I started to hit a wall. I've been covering 2-3 or more miles on my jogs lately, but I haven't really pushed hard for a time. My goal had been to get up and move and not die. I started having a pain in my gut. You know the one. The paid that happens when you have been out running but not getting enough oxygen. Or maybe it was because I hadn't eaten dinner yet. It was nearly 6:30pm after all which is well past my "I'm really old so I eat dinner no later than 5pm" standard meal time. Either way, I thought I was slowing down but I then completed the third lap at a time of 6:53. A bit slower than the first two laps but still respectable for a man of my girth.

It was time for the final lap. I wanted that extra push to get me over the edge and perhaps break the 10 minute milestone. So I reached for my phone to crank up my running playlist. That is when the music stopped. Nothing was coming from my headphones. What the hell just happened? How can I possibly push myself to the finish line if I don't have Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins pounding in my ears? The silence made me aware that I was breathing like an asthmatic pug. I was going to have to get this music issue fixed while running. I tried my best but to no avail. It was time to finish this out with just the music in my head. I made sure to keep my stride in the same pace I had been for the previous three laps but without Kenny I was lost. I pushed through the pain in my side and the lack of oxygen. I crossed the finish line and staggered about a bit to catch my breath. I looked down at my watch. 9:33! That's right gentle readers, I ran an entire mile in less than 10 minutes for the first time in my life! You would have thought I had just gone 12 rounds with Ivan Drago based upon my appearance, but I was still happy. I had worked hard and accomplished a goal that I didn't even know I had. Now it is time to set some new goals. Next up: a single pullup.