Peeping in the Shower

Peeping in the Shower

I have mentioned before that I’m a fan of podcasts. I listen to many. They have replaced the radio for getting news, information, and entertainment. One podcast I listen to is called Forever35. This podcast is entirely about what women do for self care. I know it seems like an odd choice for a 38-year-old man but I do find the show entertaining. I was led there because one of the hosts, Doree Shafrir, is also a host on the podcast Matt & Dorree’s Eggcellent Adventure. The Matt in the name is one Matt Mira, host of such podcasts as James Bonding, Star Trek: The Next Conversation, and Tossed Salad and Scrambled Eggs (a podcast about the TV show Frasier). So I came by the Forever35 podcast in a six degrees of Kevin Bacon kind of way.

During Episode 6: Brushing the Day Away the hosts, Dorree and Kate Spencer, were discussing their shower routine when they revealed something that seemed odd to me. Apparently, there was a Jezebel post called Do You Wash Your Legs? After mentioning this, both Dorree and Kate indicated that they don’t wash their legs in the shower. Can you believe that craziness? Do you really believe that somehow your legs are immune from getting gross? Seriously, get down their and wash.

It got me to thinking about how easy a shower can really be. I certainly understand depending on your personal grooming habits it can take some people longer than others to take a shower but for me it is a pretty basic process. The revelation from the podcast inspired me to share my shower routine.

First, a disclaimer. This post is just about the actual time spent in the shower. I’m not talking about the 20 minutes spent sitting on the toilet reading Twitter before getting in the shower or the 10 minutes after spent combing hair. The purpose of this is to outline the logistics of the actual time spent in the shower. Here we go.

1.  Rinse: The first step in any good shower is a full body rinse. It just seems necessary to be wet before applying the soap. We’ve all seen that person in the public bathroom that will put soap on their hands before they start washing their hands. What the hell, man? You are just going to rinse the soap without actually washing the moment the water hits your hands. Only a fascist would apply soap to anything before a thorough rinse.

2.  Hair: After a good rinse it is time to wash the hair. For me this entails washing everything from the neck up. I am 90% bald on the top of the head but with a full beard I have roughly the same amount of hair to wash as the average 24-year-old guy (no, dudes with man-buns do not count in life or in this analogy). After a deep head and facial hair scrub I immediately rinse clean as to avoid getting any soap in the eyes.


3.  Body: The body is the next step in this five step process. I’m a loofa guy with body wash. I have sensitive skin that will break out in body pimples, most notably on my legs. I’m sure the picture you wanted in your mind was my fleshy thighs covered with ingrown hairs. You’re welcome. I wash the entire body from neck to feet in that order including arms and legs. Not a inch of skin, from the neck down, goes unscrubbed. After washing the body I give another rinse to get all the soap from this David-like physique.

4.  Face:  The last part of the washing is the money maker. This is where you are all looking to catch a glimpse at the beauty that is me. I use some sort of face soap that gives my skin a little tingle. Being a gentleman with a beard I have a bit less face to wash than others. I compensate for that by having significantly more real estate to was on the forehead area. Face wash covers forehead, nose, cheeks, ears, and neck. I like to leave the soap on for about 30 seconds to really feel that tingling before I rinse again.

5.  Rinse: Finally, we end the shower with another full body rinse. This is the CYA (you know, Cover Your Ass) rinse. I want to make sure I get all the soap rinsed away before exiting the shower and starting the drying process.

That’s it. A very simple process for washing every part of your body in just about 7 minutes. The most important part is that it covers every part of the body. I’m not skipping legs or feet. That is just gross. If you are going to shower do it right and get your whole body clean.

How do you get clean? Do you shower everyday?

Make me a sandwich!: Apple Crisp

Make me a sandwich!: Apple Crisp